Iceberg Ahead: Navigating Emotions in Relationships Without Crashing
Ever been in a conversation with someone you love and thought, “Whoa… where did that come from?” Maybe they snap, shut down, or give you a look that says everything and nothing all at once.
Here’s the truth: what people say in relationships is often just the tip of the emotional iceberg—and beneath the surface? Fear. Doubt. Frustration. Old wounds. Sometimes, issues that have absolutely nothing to do with the relationship at all.
As Don Miguel Ruiz reminds us in The Four Agreements:
“Don’t take anything personally.”
It’s a powerful agreement. But let’s be real—when your partner says they “can’t take it anymore” because you left one fork in the sink? That’s a hard pill to swallow without taking it personally.
What to Do When Someone You Love Is Acting Out of Character
✅ Give them space.
🫱 Wait until they’re calm, then ask gently:
“You didn’t seem like yourself earlier—want to talk about it?”
🚫 Don’t get defensive. Their tone might feel sharp, but it may not be about you.
And if you feel yourself heating up, try this:
Take long, deep breaths
Picture your thoughts floating on a cloud or drifting down a stream
Do the 5 senses grounding technique
Distract your brain with mental math (7 x 8, anyone?)
These small tools help you stay calm—so you can support your partner rather than join the chaos. Bonus: it might just flip the energy and save the night.
Crisis averted. Netflix resumed. Relationship: stabilized.
💬 Looking for support in navigating tough relationship moments or emotional overwhelm?
I'm a licensed Florida therapist offering online sessions for individuals and couples in the Tampa area and across the state.
✨ Contact me here or schedule a consultation to get started.
I look forward to hearing from you!